


lets have a run for this

by LeeGyuAeri



Series: Sins That Shouldn't Have been Committed [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: A Sequel, A little angst, Can be a stand alone, F/M, Happy Ending, M for implied cheating, M/M, Multi, Slow Burn, fluff ending, pining ryan, proceed with caution if you arent into this type of genre, shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 15:34:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14897228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeGyuAeri/pseuds/LeeGyuAeri
Summary: In which Ryan is a selfish bastard.He just doesn't realize that the thought of losing Shane scares him most than anything else.





	lets have a run for this

**Author's Note:**

> Then again, this is a sequel but can be a stand alone one-shot.  
> Please be guided accordingly that this contains a sensitive topic of cheating.  
> If it isn't your preferred genre, I don't mind if you don't read it. 
> 
> As I have said, this is rated M for the, uh, genre.  
> No adult stuff. No sex. 
> 
> That said, I love Helen and Sara even though I wrote this. :DD

Ryan woke up to an empty spot next to him. There weren’t any arms draped around his waist and the warmth his hand felt by the sheets only proved that Shane must have gotten up a few seconds ago. He had been expecting this; Shane bailing out of whatever happened the night before. It was not like what they ever did was a mistake. It was a choice they both made with the most rational thoughts. Ryan never felt regret to linger around even when he gained full consciousness, lying on his chest and eyes roaming the blinds by the other end.

Ryan had done this with sober intentions, but had Shane felt the same, he did not know. Probably he would never know. With a sigh, eyes fluttering close for a short instance, he finally gathered enough courage to face an empty hotel room.

He sat up, and arms which weren’t his were wrapped around his waist, the warmth brandishing itself on his skin through thin article of clothing. Eyes wide and breath hitched, Ryan’s figure went stiff.

“I thought I could never be a little bit skeptic ‘till this moment.” Ryan whispers, hushed but the room was quiet enough for Shane hear his strained voice. A hand fisted his clothes gently, tight with reassurance and he felt the taller sat behind him, nose buried in the dip of his neck. It gave him more comfort than he expected and he leans a little weight on Shane’s chest, tension released from his shoulders.   

“About what?” Shane responds, planting a wet kiss and nosing his jaw.

“What we did last night was not an accident, Shane.” Ryan said as a matter-of-fact, sighing. Maybe there weren’t any regrets, but sure as hell there was guilt swimming within his guts.

“Are you expecting me to dive in without knowing the consequences? I wanted that. If it reassures you, I regret not a bit of fiber.” Shane says, exhaling and unwrapping his arms and proceeding to the coffee blender. He returns with two steaming mugs, offering Ryan the other one which the latter gratefully accepts.

A few moments of silence and sips of coffee, Ryan breaks the peace once more.

“This is going a bit too well, it’s weird.” Ryan laughs dryly, setting his cup by the nightstand.

“We are facing reality once we are out of this room.” Shane shrugs, sitting by the edge of the bed with his mug still half-full. His eyes looked preoccupied, staring at nothing but the carpeted floor.  “I guess we are too nonchalant about this.” he took another sip.  

“That’s exactly it, Shane.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s too,” Ryan paused, brows knitting, “-plain. Like normal. We both know this is just as insane.”

“Do you want to do something about it?” Shane responds, finally taking the step to look at Ryan, eyes dead set on his.

“You make it sound like everything was nothing.”

“Tell me what you want me to do Ryan.” Shane declares, eyes finally showing vulnerability and his hands reaching up to hold Ryan’s. Ryan slips his fingers in between Shane’s, staring at it, and he find the words stuck at his throat, not speaking them out.

Why was he doubting at the very last minute? Maybe it had something to do about his time spent with Helen, the ups and downs that they had went through their solid four years of relationship. What they went through to get to where they were, it was in no plain words, easy. Yet, somehow, he managed to throw those away last night in just a flick of emotion. Those years that they built up, climbing a relationship that almost everyone envied, a bond where he thought no one could ever break through. It had been too easy, too easy to put it all behind.

Was really that it?

Shane was asking him for what he should do. He was willing but something held Ryan.

He was being selfish and he begs every fiber of him to answer, but all that came out of his mouth was nothing.

Shane sees the hesitation flickered brightly on Ryan’s eyes and sighs, his hands slipping out of Ryan’s grasp.

“Shane don’t-“

“Stop. I thought you knew, Ryan. Let’s put this all behind.”

“No no we can-“

“Ryan. Let’s,” Shane sighs dejectedly, and Ryan hated every bit of himself with seeing Shane just as broken as him. “-let’s forget everything. Nothing happened last night.”

 

And just like that, everything falls apart.  

 

Shane left the hotel first, meets up with their crew an hour earlier than he usually does. Ryan had followed thirty minutes after Shane arrived, but they never talked.

 

Ryan lags behind them by the airport, and if TJ and Devin actually senses the tension in between them, they never mentioned it.

 

 

The moment they returned to Buzzfeed, what happened in that hotel room stayed as where it should be. The first night after their return, Ryan had completely let his phone deplete, going straight to the confines of his comforter and bed. It was the thing closest to comfort that he could get without spiraling into confusion and even more sadness. He might as well have ruined their friendship and a perfectly smooth sailing relationship with Helen. He actually did _ruin_ of what consists of his relationship in the present. Shane was his best friend, a partner-in-crime and so was his girlfriend Sara. Helen had been there throughout his college; the vacant and fill-ins of in between his employee life. What he had ruin were the constants and the more he delved into the fact that he had not manage to salvage at least one, maybe regret was not really that far in hitting him.

 

He knew he stopped loving Helen the moment Shane and him kissed.

He knew he stopped loving Helen the moment that tension started appearing two months ago.

Ryan knew he was royally fucked up the moment his breath hitched the first time they met at Buzzfeed.

But does loving Shane actually a thing he should feel remorse for?

Ryan hated himself because he can’t find himself regretting that he actually had fallen in deep with Shane’s everything.    

He hated himself because, right at this point maybe Shane lamented everything now.

 

 

He went to office the next day, finding Shane where he should be; beside his own workspace. Ryan was expecting everything to be awkward. Yet there was a mug of coffee already by his place and he assumed it was Shane who actually gave it to him. Turned out it actually was him when he greeted Ryan with a smile so bright, saying _g’mornin’ you midget. I got you your daily dose of coffee,_ and he replies with a _nothing is ever good when you call me midget, Sasquatch._

Ryan actually did feel warmth searing within when he was given the coffee. Maybe the sun could shine a little brighter after the rain, but the fact that it seemed like nothing happened made Ryan want to puke his breakfast that he had that morning.

 

 

He still left his phone by the nightstand, oblivious of the possibly tons of texts and missed calls Helen had been giving him.  

 

 

It had been a week, and everything within Ryan ached. He still left his phone dead, untouched from when he had returned just a week ago from filming. How he managed to get a lunch with Shane and Sara was not the most pleasant experience. It was the first time he was talking to the woman after _that_ _night_ , finding himself flustered but immediately regaining composure when Shane held a hand to his shoulder, insisting that they should actually go with them.

 

They ended up eating at the usual place and somehow, Ryan finds everything completely as how it was before. Normal, fleeting and seemingly surreal that he actually managed to be sane. Shane was sane as he was, but maybe he was just as unknowing, with his phone dead and trying to be ignorant of everything that he should be facing.

Shane had probably texted him, but he could not possibly be though, right?

Helen, for sure was leaving him tons and he was expecting her to be by the porch of his house the very same day.

He shrugs the thought off and continues to bask in what seems to be the calm before the storm.

 

 

“Have you been texting Helen?” Sara brings up. They had just finished lunch and decided they should remain a few more minutes before returning to work right away. Ryan chokes on his water and Shane, he was just him; face passive and drinking his iced tea with a straw.  

At his peripheral, Ryan could not decipher what Shane was actually thinking, almost impossible to read and he felt prickling thorns constricting his throat. Since when did he find it hard to read Shane’s expression?

“What do you mean?” Ryan heaved, hand covering his mouth as he puffs out a few more coughs.

“She was telling me how your number is unreachable. I mean, you don’t even have it throughout this week. How did you survive that?” Sara quips as she mindlessly scrolls though her feed, probably to keep her hands and eyes occupied.

“The battery won’t work and I’ve been filled with work to actually contact people.”

Ryan finds himself thinking how that sounds so _asshole_ -ish, and he actually was and does not even try to take back his words.

“So you really weren’t contacting her?”

 “I did not have the leisure, Sara. I was editing a lot of videos.” Ryan responds short, finding himself growingly irritated at the topic and Sara, who seemingly have stopped playing with her phone, kept her eyes glued to Ryan’s. Shane’s drink had long been finished and the man stared passively at just where his eyes could see, fingers fiddling with the straw.

It was a habit he picked up while thinking, Ryan thought.

“I hope you know what you are doing Ryan.” Sara says with finality, and left.

   
  


Shane and him, and it was the first time they were left alone to their own accord. With eyes glancing at Ryan, the latter sighed, shoulders sagged as he leaned his back by the cushion of the seat.

“You should follow her.” Ryan murmured.

“Do I really have to?”

“Maybe. I mean you are her boyfriend right?”

“Then maybe you should also start answering Helen’s texts. After all you are her boyfriend too.”

 _Ouch._ Ryan glares at him, but Shane does not flinch under the scrutinizing gaze and leaves.

 

 

How long this has to continue, Ryan was sure he does not have a lot of time left to deal with cleaning up the mess he made.

 

Shane probably does not care at all anymore, Ryan deduced.

 

Who was he to actually make an impact as much as Shane had to his life?

 

He left the restaurant they had lunch at, and walked a different route than the usual path towards their office.

 

Helen and Ryan’s breakup, it was not as heavy as he made it out to be. He had been gentle with every word, trying to explain how it was never Helen’s fault and nothing ever really was her mistake to begin with. With a few nods, he knew Helen understood him completely, and although he leaves the part where he had fallen in love with Shane along the way, he knew Helen had a hunch. It was just that she decided to let it linger unspoken. As Ryan left Helen’s apartment, they shared one last kiss, with her whispering to his ear that they can keep in touch as friends. Nodding, she smiled, said _good luck with him_. Perplexed, yet finding composure, Ryan smiles dimly in return.

 

 

The road home had seemed far that night, with the rain pelting his clothes, Ryan lets a few tears escape his eyes. It mixed with the rain, the dull pain throbbing within him was as soothing as it could get compared to the active melancholy that had been eating him alive for the past week. The rain soaked him to the bones, yet he lets it be and relinquishes his soul to be drenched in the most comforting thing that it could ever feel.    

 

 

Ryan called sick leave that Friday.

He finds himself thinking if Shane had actually been looking for him that morning.

Scoffing to himself, Ryan brushes the thought off because why would Shane _look_ for him?

 

 

When he gets to having his phone charged that night, tons of messages and missed calls actually came tumbling through his notifications. As he had expected, everything was from Helen.

Just as he had read about everything, there was a final text that made his heart leap. It was sent the night after they filmed. The night where they decided to just leave it all behind and pretended that nothing ever really happened.

 _I miss you_. _I always do._

 _-80% legged Sasquatch._   _09:09 PM, Friday_

 

 

Ryan glances at his clock.

He noticed that it just turned nine-fifteen, the text belatedly read a week and a few minutes after.   

 

_Please come back, because I miss you too._

_-Saved in Drafts_

 

Ryan sleeps that night and never got around to reply. He never had the courage and maybe this time around, he should not fuck around and mess things more. Regret might actually just nail him in the head, and he guessed, he did not want that anymore.

 

So he buried everything; _that_ _night_ , his feelings, and everything about Shane that he finds to be in love with.    

 

 

 

 

 

They wrapped up the very last filming they had for that season. Ryan decided that they should have the celebration after they get home, proceeding to actually stay in the hotel rooms that they had booked just last week.

 

Ryan, beforehand, had told Devon to actually book three rooms instead of the usual two, to which she questioningly reprimanded Ryan for because, _you know how costly that could get, There is just so much we could use Ryan._ Yet he somehow persuaded her to book three with the condition of his money actually being used in one of them.

 

He had planned this out so he would not share a room with Shane but somehow they still ended up with two rooms. It had been roughly two months since.

 

Ryan was stuck with Shane in a king-sized bed, enough to accommodate the both of them and Shane’s insanely long limbs.

There was this palpable tension that had made its return, It was as heavy as it could get with the pregnant silence prolonged, yet Ryan refused to acknowledge and managed to convince himself that he was just going crazy because who would not be? He was expecting to be alone in some room, not to be here with Shane.

It had been a while since they talked alone.

And Ryan feels annoyed that he does not even know how to talk to his own best bud.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Ryan hissed beneath his breath as he proceeded to throw his backpack by the corner, and finding Shane already setting up the pillow wall on the middle of the bed. This was just tough luck, and how he could still breathe properly despite being placed in one room, he wondered. Ryan forbids he might actually just do something he would definitely regret for the hundredth time.

He sighs in defeat as he went on to change his clothes and do his night routine within the span of an hour. Bathing, shaving and taking time to shower. Just about everything that could lengthen his time for himself and avoid the big fat fact that he was going to sleep with Shane tonight. In the very same bed. With just a pillow fort to separate them.

 _Nothing could ever go wrong, Ryan_.

 

As he steps out of the bathroom, he finds the room engulfed in a dimly lit light of bedside lamp, Shane lying on his chest and facing the outer part of the bed. He was fast asleep, snoring like the signature lawn mower he imitates unconsciously.

 

Ryan did not know what he was expecting when he sighed in defeat, catching himself off-guard with disappointment.

He should really stop pining over Shane.   

 

 

Just as he was about to knock himself unconscious, he felt the pillows behind him being removed.

The fort had been breached and arms had circled itself in his waist, long legs slotting in between his.

Ryan did not have the heart to complain, nor was he sensible enough to actually disentangle himself from this.

 

Before he even lost courage and consciousness, he turned around and buries his head on the chest that he had missed. The arms that once tattooed its warmth on his skin, the ever familiar weight of it around his waist; it’s all back like nothing ever really parted them for weeks on end. Ryan embraces Shane in return, and he promised.

_This will be the last time I would be giving in._

 

Ryan wished this could be the everyday he wakes up to.

 

 

He woke up to the sun greeting him, but it was a bit dimmed by something that blocked his view of the windows. Ryan had failed to recognize that he was still hugging Shane, whose chest rose and fell in a constant rhythm. Once his half-lidded eyes had came to, his soul awaken, he feels the weight of everything crash down.

 

“Good morning to you too, Ryan.” Shane murmurs, tightens his embrace on Ryan and – he just can’t do this for the second time.

 

He can’t _mess_ it up for the second time.

 

With quick breaths escaping his lips, he tried to wriggle out of the hold, but to his futile attempt, Shane would never let go of him.

“Can you please stop thinking for a while Ryan and please just let me hold you?”

“The last time we did consent to not thinking, I almost ruined us Shane.”

Shane sighed, pulling apart a little further, but not separating totally from their limbs that were entwined together underneath the blankets and comforter.

“Then don’t mess it up this time.” Shane pleaded, eyes softened and his hand fisted at the back of Ryan’s shirt with a gentle grip.

“How can I when you still have Sara-“

“I broke up with her.”

 

 

 

Ryan felt his world stop.

 

 

“What?”

“The day after we returned then, I broke up with her.”

Ryan had yet to register the words that he was hearing. It hardly made any sense.

Shane had broken up with Sara?

“Why?”

“You should know why bud.” Shane lets a dry laugh escape his lips and Ryan’s stomach did those little flip, his heart thundering a little too fast to his liking. His hands had this deathly grip on Shane’s shirt and his knuckles were turning white.

“Helen told me. She knew.” Shane added, pausing and gauging Ryan’s reaction. The taller smiles softly, “did you wait long?”

“I-“ Ryan stops, blinking fast, opting to bury his head on Shane’s chest. “Fuck you, Shane.” He said, gripping a deathly grasp on Shane’s shirt that would surely leave creasing marks. Ryan would be leaving trails of silent tears on Shane’s shirt and he felt not the littlest bit sorry about it.

“Look at me.”

“Make me.” Ryan said in muffled voice. A hand against his jaw gently tilted his head upward and his lips met Shane’s. It was the most euphoric moment he had ever experience in his whole life. Ryan’s lips slanted against Shane’s mouth, the bursting feeling of warmth enveloped his existence wholly, a hand by his back reaching up to his tousled locks and entangling itself there. The grip pushed him closer, the kiss slowly shifting from simple touch to bruising and desperate, It drawls out a low groan from Ryan as Shane shifts his head to angle the kiss better, deepening, his tongue swiping across his wet lips.

Ryan complies with his everything, his hands now cradling Shane’s face and the stubble growing felt ticklish, but he won’t complain about that when he just loved everything about him.

“Is this okay with you?” Shane asks, a little out of breath and Ryan looks at him, at the mess Shane looked in the morning with the sun dancing at the right angles of his face.

“Fuck, yeah.” Ryan said, relief washing over him.

 

Maybe the fear he had before was not because of the years he had spent with Helen building everything up. It was never because of all the years going to waste that he had felt the crippling anxiety about.

 

Ryan was sure he had been afraid to lose Shane the whole goddamn time.

 

And he almost did.

 

But somehow, they still found each other in the end.

 

Shane found him.

 

No regrets. No guilt.

 

Ryan was sure, the surest he could get that all he ever wanted was Shane.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is not proofread. All raw.  
> If there are errors here and there, please feel free to point it out! That would help a lot :>
> 
> So what do you guys think about this?


End file.
